Welcome to PANIC CAMP!
Rules and Regulations etc. :
1. No caffeinated beverages on the premises. Bags will be searched and contraband will be confiscated, as calmly as possible, don‘t worry.
2. Upon registration camp members will be supplied with ONE paper bag only, for hyperventilation purposes. Please use wisely and conserve.
3. DO NOT pee in the pool. It messes terribly with the valium/chlorine ratio.
4. Keep your screaming to a minimum in the lunch room. NOTE: under item “Snake Varieties” please note that the ‘n’ will be replaced with an ‘h’ as soon as possible as we have noticed our spelling error and deeply apologize for any phobic triggering we may have caused.
5. Those of you on the “afraid of the dark list” please set up your tents on the west field inside the baseball diamond. Directions are easy. Follow the 10 foot spotlight beams to the pitchers mound.
6. All spiders have had their legs plucked down to 6 by camp counsellors in an effort to comfort the arachnophobics.
7. Upon registration if you are on the Claustrophobics list please pick up your map to the toilet in air hanger D.
8. Agoraphobics will be emailed this list on the first day of camp so please make sure your webcams are working so you can join in the despair.
9. WE ARE NOT DOCTORS. A panic attack… can look like a heart attack. So if we give you first aid and you die we are not liable because you shakily signed the waver on registration day.
10. Lastly, try to have fun in between your sleepless nights and nail biting breakfasts. We are here to make your stay as bearable as possible. We are all professionally trained in sedation and straight jacket fastening. Your safety, if not your sanity, well.. Whatever.
WELCOME TO PANIC CAMP KIDS!